2011 had some positive events and some others that weren’t. On the plus side, D got engaged, my favorite uncle and his family came for a visit, and S came home after a long absence. On the minus side, several good friends ended their relationships, including one couple who are more family to me than friends. C lost his dad, and M was diagnosed with breast cancer. There was severe damage to my parents’ house, and we had to basically gut and rebuild. And of course, I was myself the victim of what I believe is a hate crime, but I didn’t get the closure and justice I needed.

Life happens – people get sick, they die, and natural disasters result in destruction. We pray, we fight, we mourn, and we rebuild. The ability to overcome adversity is, in essence, the condition of the human spirit. All of the things that happened were awful, but they are part of life.

Except the hate crime – that should not be part of life. The reality is that humans take advantage of other humans to try to get ahead, take their stuff or money, perpetuate violence because that’s their way of life. But a hate crime is just outside of the scope of logic – how much “hate” does it take to attack someone’s faith or cultural upbringing or race or ethnicity or physical characteristics? And the ones who do it in the name of God are just beyond my comprehension.

I think I was so stunned to walk into my office, to a place I felt safe and secure, to find someone had tagged everything, and I mean everything, with crosses. I thought it had to be someone mentally unstable, and definitely someone who couldn’t have known me or that I was Muslim. I was devastated to learn that the perpetrators were people I knew, trusted, and even admired. And I was brought low when I learned that those were the very people who had discussed with me that leaving crosses for a Muslim is the manner used by some in a post-9-11 era to convey a physical threat. I felt a sense of relief when I was notified that criminal charges were brought and empowered as I was prepared to testify. I didn’t contact CAIR or ADC because I was sure that the powers-that-be would make this right for me, and pride and loyalty kept me from wanting negative attention cast on the place I work. I really was sure they’d make it right.

They didn’t make it right though. I was put through Hell because some folks didn’t understand why I was “making a big deal out of nothing.” I got criticism for doing what I could to preserve my rights because that was “disloyal” and made us “look bad to others.” I was called in and admonished for talking about the incident even though I hadn’t actually done so – and despite the fact that since there was a criminal charge the “incident” is a matter of public record and fair game for discussion. The “powers-that-be” treated the incident like a run-of-the-mill vandalism rather than a hate crime. Now we all know if it were a noose left instead of crosses how much more seriously folks would have treated the “incident.” And in the end, the case was dropped because someone with authority didn’t want the bad press. So I won’t even get to ever hear the “why” of it all – and I’ll never get the closure I’ve needed to truly move on.

I struggled for lots of reasons as a result of the “incident.” I’ve been a victim myself – most of us have. But I think victims of hate crimes, especially those not treated as hate crimes even though they should be, are part of a unique group. The people who are supposed to seek justice for us – the powers-that-be and the justice system – have failed us. The perps attacked us at our core – because of who we are – in a world that strives to equalize and protect those who are different. But the victims of hate crimes that are not classified as such are not only victims of the crimes themselves, but also of the system that fails to recognize the gravity of what happened to them, to seek redress for it, and to say “hate is not OK.”

But this experience, as painful as it has been, has resulted in some things that are on the plus side of the scale for 2011. I’ve bonded with the other victims, and we’re a support system for each other. They are more than friends – their co-survivors, and we got through all the emotions of something like this – the fear, disbelief, anguish, betrayal, and acceptance together. They are amazing people, and they make me try to handle the aftermath with the grace, dignity, and confidence they show every day. I’ve learned that there are people who will put their own feelings aside to help people come through this sort of experience, and I’ve learned that doing so can be filled with incredible challenges and emotional struggles for them. One person in particular was a rock for me, and in hindsight I’ve come to understand that her anchoring me and listening when I needed to talk was harder on her than I ever realized due to her own experiences and relationships. I wish I hadn’t burdened her with my baggage for her sake, but she was such a pillar of strength and support for me that I don’t know that I’d have come through this without her. And so I’ve learned from her that there are still good, decent, compassionate people out there who will put their own emotions aside to help someone in need.

I’ve also learned that hate exists, and people don’t always understand how deep it runs. People relate events to their own experiences, and their worldviews shape how they handle situations; yes, this is something we learn as soon as we start to interact with others – but it is something that needs to be reaffirmed sometimes. I’ve come to believe that the reason the powers-that-be didn’t treat what happened to us as a hate crime is that, in addition to not wanting the PR of a hate crime, some of them didn’t see it as such. For some Christians, Christianity is the only correct religion and the cross its symbol. So when someone tags a place with crosses, those folks see it as a means of trying to “spread the message” – and spreading the message through fear is apparently OK so long as the message gets spread because they view Christianity as the only truth. You could apply this logic to most values – those who think that blowing up an abortion clinic is justified because abortion is inherently wrong, or those who think that segregation is justified because race integration is wrong, or Hitler, or all the other events in history (and the present) that necessitate a human rights movement. I learned, in essence, that thare are some that are ignorant, others zealous fools, and others evil. But I’ve learned that the good outweighs the bad and the world also has kind, compassionate, incredibly wonderful people too.

Still, I’m relieved to be able to tell 2011 not to let the door hit it on the keffa on its way out.

For example, you find out a group of friends had a conversation about you wherein they talked about you in a not-so-positive light. The reality is that they know they shouldn’t have done so, but they did. I don’t think you’re being oversensitive to be upset about it – they were insensitive to do it in the first place.

Another example: You and an ex are still good friends despite the fact that your ex dumped you for someone else and you’re not over them. The ex flaunts their relationship with the person for whom you were dumped all over the place and how great the new one is. Again, the ex is being insensitive and you are not being oversensitive.

So why do we as a rule tend to minimize how we feel in those sorts of situations? Why don’t we hold the people who are supposed to care about us to a higher standard? I imagine it has something to do with already feeling vulnerable because of what they’ve done, and letting them know how much they’ve hurt us is more than we’re willing to risk.

But the next time you think someone’s being oversensitive, consider whether you yourself have been insensitive before responding. Chances are it took a lot of guts for them to bring the issue to your attention.

How does that happen? I swear, it feels like yesterday that I was hopping around with the Skip-it, trying to invent excuses for why I hadn’t finished my homework, and rollerskating in the kitchen (Mom wasn’t home). OK, so let’s ignore that I really did roller skate in the kitchen last week (Mom wasn’t home), I was trying to invent excuses why I didn’t finish my project (to my boss instead of my teacher), and I tried to find a skip-it with a hoop big enough for my size 9 1/2 feet (if I had, I’d be the skip-it queen again – blue all the way).

I remember bursting with excitement when I turned 10. I remember enthusiastically bringing in 20. 30 though, there’s just so much stigma with 30. 30′s when your hair starts to go gray (oh wait, that happened in my 20′s); 30′s when you gain those 10 pounds you just can’t ditch no matter what (oh, 20′s again); 30
s when you discover that you are in so much debt you’ll never own a pair of undies that the bank, or Department of Education for us lawyers, can’t repossess (Hmmm, 20′s again). 30 is when you realize you’re ovaries are shriveling away with each passing day you’re single (oh wait, I’m Arab so I realized that at 14, but it sank in in the 20′s); 30′s when you realize the world is a cruel place if you don’t look like, sound like, act like, or think like the majority (strike that – I’m a civil rights lawyer and figured that out in my 20′s as well).

So I guess what I’ve learned is this: As you turn 30 and find yourself all depressed about it, remember that you’ve already hit a bunch of the crap in your 20′s that the Gen-Xers before our generation hit in their 30′s. Really, we’re just over-achievers!

So given all that, I think next year I’ll turn 25.

              Washington DC Airport Ticket Agent

A DC  ’airport ticket agent’ offers some examples of  ’WHY’ our country is
in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle
seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.  (On
an airplane)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman’s (Moore) staffer (Howard
Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length
of the flight and the passport information,  and then he interrupted me
with,  ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid,  but Cape Town is in
Massachusetts .”

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,  ”Cape Cod is
in Massachusetts ,   Cape Town is in South Africa .”  His response –
click..

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in
Orlando .  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain
that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very
THIN state!!”  (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife (Landra Reid) who asked,  ”Is it
possible to see England from Canada ?”

I said,  ”No.”

She said,  ”But they look so close on the map”  (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if
he could rent a car in Dallas ..  I pulled up the reservation and noticed
he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas …  When I asked him why he wanted
to rent a car, he said,  ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will
need a car to drive between gates to save time.”  (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.  She needed
to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,
 and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn’t
understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went
fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ”Do airlines
put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage
belongs to whom?”  I said,  ’No, why do you ask?’

He replied,  ”Well, when I checked in with the airline,  they put a tag on
my luggage that said (FAT),  and I’m overweight.  I think that’s very rude!”

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was
dying laughing).  I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca.
is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on his luggage..

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip
package to Hawaii ..  After going over all the cost info, she asked,
”Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to
Hawaii ?”

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from
Ala who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?”

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told my
flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

10 Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola
, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?”

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.

She said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

11 Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China .  After a lengthy discussion
about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.  ”Oh, no I don’t.
I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.  When I told
her this she said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Express!”

12 A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ”I
want to go from Chicago to Rhino,   New York ..”

I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s the name
of the town?”

‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve looked up
every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.”

”The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!”

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You
don’t mean Buffalo , do you?”

The reply?  ”Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal.”

Now you know why the Government is in the shape it’s in!

Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS,
          AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

I don’t write it, I just offer it for your consideration.
   Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss  USA  contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
– Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett,  University  of  Kentucky  basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings,  Washington  has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry,  Washington  ,  DC  . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in  Texas  .
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love  California. I practically grew up in  Phoenix.”
– Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a
change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning,
when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

1. If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?
Wouldn’t even know where to begin. Health, happiness, closer to my family, job security, more money, endless supply of Pepsi, love, security, fit into a size 6, a vacation, resolution.

2. List five things you want to do before you die.
Haj, tour the world, get married, pay off my student loans, raise a child

3. If you won the lottery, what would you buy?
Freedom from my loans, a house, a bouncy house for the backyard

4. Who was the most influential person in your life?
My mom

5. What is your earliest memory?
Following my mom as she cleaned the house and spraying Windex on the glass topped coffee table, only to have my grandfather slap my hand and yell at me. I was 2.

7. If you could go back to any age, which would it be?
early 20s

8. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Working, hopefully I’d have adopted a child or two, maybe married – who knows

9. Would you rather have hundreds of acquaintances or a couple good friends?
A couple good friends

10. Where did you go on your last vacation and what did you do?
Minnesota to celebrate rescheduled New Years with friends.

11. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
London

12. What article of clothing do you put on first in the morning?
Hair thingy – band or sometimes I go unfashionably wild and use a scrunchy

13. What is the first thing you do as part of your morning routine?
Check Twitter, Facebook, and email, and then I update my fantasy baseball or football teams

14. What is the first thing you think about in the morning?
“Do I really have to get up?”

15. What is the last thing you think about before you go to bed?
“Do I really have to go to bed?”

16. Where do you sleep on the bed (left side, right side, or the middle)?
Right side

17. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
20 minutes

18. Do you ever screen your phone calls?
Yes

19. Why might you screen a phone call?
Sometimes I know I won’t have enough time to talk.

20. What type of driver are you?
a nervous one

21. Have you ever been stopped by the police? What happened?
Not as the driver, but one time the cops stopped my roommate and me as we were heading to Walmart at 3 AM because her car had been reported stolen – turned out the plates were switched by some jerk and she got the stolen ones. They told me to drive the car to the station, and when I said I couldn’t,the cops got irritated with me and made me go to jail with my friend until they figured out what to do with us. They felt stupid when they figured out I couldn’t take the car because a) they said it was stolen, and b) I didn’t have a license. They let us go, but I learned that jail is super uncomfortable.

22. What’s your favorite TV show?
Grey’s Anatomy

23. What’s your favorite movie?
Pride & Prejudice – Colin Firth version

24. What’s your theme song?
Club Can’t Handle Me

25. What type of music do you most like to listen to and why?
Country – it actually has a point

26. Do you have an easy time forgiving and forgetting?
I tend to forget I was mad at the person, and by the time I remember I’ve already talked to them. But I don’t forgive easily because it’s so hard for me to trust. Once that trust is broken, I desperately want to give the person a chance to regain it, but it’s very hard for me to ever truly forgive 100%.

27. If someone in front of you drops a $100 bill, would you pick up and give it back or stuff it in your pocket?
Give it back

28. If you notice that the cashier didn’t ring something up, do you say something?
Yes.

29. Do you enjoy surprise parties?
I like throwing them, but I’ve never had one thrown for me, so I don’t know.

30. Do you sing in the shower?
Yes.

31. What is the one thing you do when you are by yourself because you don’t want others to see you?
Dance

32. What is the one thing you can cook the best?
The kids tell me no one makes Ramen noodles like I do. Hahaha.

33. Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?
The Sisterhood, Ryan, Patti

34. Who can you depend on if you need someone?
The Sisterhood, my Mom, Ryan, Patti, Michele & Rob, the Island Crew

What is your age?
29 years, 9 months, and 20 days.
Do you pick your nose?
Yes.
Do you have an order in which you put on your socks?
Yes, right first – my Mama always said that God likes you to start with your right, so I do. I put on my right glove first, comb the right side of my hair first, brush the teeth on the right side of my mouth first, and on and on and on.
What is a fear from your childhood that you still have?
Stairs, dogs, fire. Running down the stairs while being chased by a dog during a fire.
Democrat, Republican or other?
Democrat.
Which would you rather have, a house or a car ?
House.
Did you run away from home when you were a kid?
Yes.
How far away did you run?
Got as far as the end of the driveway. The tiny garbage can I put my baby doll, a pair of undies, and my box of crayolas got to be too heavy.
Do you lie to your friends?
Nope – I’m probably too honest.
If you could have anything you wanted for the rest of your life, would you sell your soul?
No, I like my soul and would rather prefer to keep it.
Do you know who you are yet?
Nope, and doubt I ever will.
Do you tell people about relationship problems, or do you keep them to yourself?
Share the superficial – keep the important stuff deep inside.
How many questions did you answer honestly?
All of them.

What do I mean by this? Think about this hypo (I read about it in a book I finished today):
You’ve been dating this man for nearly a year and things are serious. He’s supposed to come over for dinner, and you’re pretty sure tonight he’s going to ask you to marry him. You spend hours and hours cooking. 7:00 rolls around, and he doesn’t show up; then 8:00, 9:00, and then 10:00. Now you know he’s not coming, which is unlike him. You start worrying seriously, because he’s also the type that would call if he were going to be late. Something must be wrong. Your imagination starts running – an accident, he’s lying on the side of the road somewhere, he was shot in a robbery, he’s in the morgue and no one’s identified his body yet, and on and on. Then at midnight, you get a call – it’s him. So then your mind starts thinking about excuses – his car broke down, he forgot his cell, his mom’s sick. What you didn’t imagine, was that he’s in the hospital with his wife and child (wife? what?) because she is having another child (his child). So you go from imagining he’s sick or dead to finding out he’s been playing you for months and has a family. Yeah, being played is much worse, right ladies? Exhibit A: reality’s much worse than your imagination.

Human nature is such that we try to fill in the gaps when we are missing information. We imagine details or pieces of information to try to get a whole picture. And because we’re human, we catastrophize.

But lately, I’m coming to learn that reality is worse. I don’t know if it’s because people are more likely to be jerks, if the world is just a sadder place, or if people just are so naive that they don’t realize technology has rendered their lies and omissions a matter of public record. But I’ve gotten to the point when I brace myself now for the truth, rather than thinking it’ll ease my mind to know the truth wasn’t as bad as what I’d imagined.

Rest assured: someone’s captured you out smoking that joint on their camera phone and probably posted it on YouTube, Facebook, or whatever social network your boss from your mandatory drug-free job is most likely to stumble over it. Someone who recognized your names saw you and someone else traveling through an airport checkpoint when you shouldn’t be socializing, let alone traveling with that person; and they captured it on the record and will use it to discredit your claims of impartiality. Someone captured you stealing the silver on the nannycam, and they’ll probably show it to the jury during your trial.

The worst part? your boss believed you when you said you had red watery eyes because of allergies and was actively researching home remedies for you, inviting you to dinner with his family, and keeping an eye on you because he thought maybe your symptoms meant you were lonely and depressed. He never thought you were a crackhead and would put the safety of your colleagues and the reputation of your company on the line. Your friend was worried about you, thinking maybe you were tight-lipped about the trip because you were stressed out, going with a new boyfriend you weren’t ready to introduce, or heading to do secret work for one of the Intel agencies. Your friend never imagined you were taking the trip with the man who dumped your friend, stole all the money in her bank account, and killed her cat. The mom whose child you babysit thought maybe you were getting expensive clothes and trinkets because you were dating someone wealthy or finding good knock-offs. She never imagined that you’d been stealing her family’s silver, passed down through 5 generations, priceless in terms of sentiment, and her legacy, especially since she’d given you a home, salary, and trusted you with her precious child.

So yes, reality seems to be much worse. They say “don’t try to imagine the missing details. You’ll drive yourself crazy worrying.” In reality, reality will drive you insane all on its own if you’ve the patience to wait for someone to post it on the Internet.

The second is the job I currently have, kind of, sort of. I really enjoy what I do, and I’m really good at it. In fact, my performance reviews have been exceptional. I’ve only been there a year, but I feel like I’ve really made a difference. I really like most of my coworkers, believe in our mission, and enjoy the challenging work. This job also literally combines every single degree I’ve earned. I use my Biology undergrad background because my employer deals with health care oversight and evaluation. I use my Philosophy undergrad degree in my writing and verbal discussions, and because so much of what we do is based in ethical analysis. I use my Masters in Government and Nonprofit Administration while navigating the protocol and red tape that is so prevalent in this work, and I use what I learned in grad school to manage the programs I do. And of course I use my law degree in a thousand ways – the writing, analysis, research, etc. – all the important aspects of trying to make sure my employer does what’s right, what’s legal, and what’s necessary.

I won’t go into the details, but there have been some pretty extreme challenges lately. I believe the quality of my work has not suffered, though certainly my motivation to be as committed to excellence is in short supply; still, I’ve managed to keep on task and do it well. Someone’s actions set off a chain, and there are some extraordinary emotional consequences for those of us who are the victims. I, in particular, took the blow very hard and struggle to cope with its aftermath every day. Frankly, I’m not sure I can continue to work in that environment and feel safe. This situation is so complicated, and I just want things to go back to the way things used to be.

I also recently was informed that I would be moved to a different team. The team doesn’t do the work that I do, and I’m deeply concerned about the move. I know I will be rated on my performance in the new role, but no one’s quite sure what the actual duties will be. I’m the type of person who needs to know exactly what I’m going to be doing, at what point, and with what objective. So the not knowing is incredibly frustrating. Also, no one ever bothered to consult me to see if I had any interest in moving or doing this other work. Had someone asked, I’d have said I most definitely don’t have any interest in it. In fact, the likely duties seem to be the worst kind of torture to me, a real punishment. All I know so far is that there will be a lot of legal research and writing. Don’t get me wrong, I do a lot of that now. But if I wanted my primary duties to be legal research and writing, I’d have gone to work for a big firm, for substantially more money.

I firmly believe the work incident resulted in the reassignment, and I believe that is unfair and inappropriate, especially since I and my colleagues were victims. Information sharing isn’t a strength of my employer, or perhaps it has its reasons for not sharing to which I am not entitled. Still, I believe that I ought to be entitled to information when it directly affects my safety, well-being, and position.

Another colleague and I have been in career limbo for the last month. We were told we were reassigned to other groups – neither group doing what our job descriptions say we ought to be doing. But we were also told to keep doing the work we’ve always been doing for now. So we technically belong to different groups, but we’re doing the old work. This has been quite confusing. My coworker really wanted to do something different, but I didn’t. In a wierd sort of Twilight Zone twist, her new boss is telling her she’ll always do the same work she’s always done, but mine is saying my duties will change to preclude the work I’m currently doing.

But for now, we’re just waiting for those in charge of us to stop screwing with our lives and make decisions about what is to become of us. And yet, I seriously doubt anyone will ever ask us what we want or for our opinions. We’ll just be expected to perform as well in the new roles, whatever they are, as we’ve done in the old ones. And the interesting part: we’re both professionals with high standards and good work ethics, so we probably will do exceptional jobs in the new positions…until someone decides to shift the ground out from under us again and ask us to stand on our heads, speak Japanese, spout scripture, and perform rocket science…or whatever other task they dream up outside our knowledge, skills, and abilities.

BTW, in case it wasn’t clear from this post, I’m pretty irritated about this.

Since August, huh? Yeah, so so so much has happened I’m not sure where to begin. Happy Things: Mistelle and Pete got married, Dans got engaged to a fantastic young man (and now friends from high school and I are going to be related), and everyone’s healthy, Alhamdulillah. The challenges: My have there been challenges.

I still struggle to write about it, even after nearly 6 months. We lost Geno on September 27, 2010. After struggling with some very difficult situations, he chose to end his own life. In usual Geno fashion, he chose to leave the earth laughing, just like how he lived. I had had dinner with him a few weeks before, and he seemed fine. As I look back I try to remember if I’d seen any signs – but there lies the path to madness. I spoke with him just a day or two before he died, and again, everything seemed to be going well. I now realize we didn’t talk about the future at all in that conversation, only the past and present. But that wasn’t unusual for us. We used to joke that no matter what you plan for the future, the world’s just going to put a wrench in those plans anyway, so just go with it. I’m still completely heartbroken. I find myself picking up the phone to call or text a couple times a week, and I’ve frankly avoided going to some of the places we used to frequent together because I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle the reality of life without him there. Geno taught me so much about the world. He was my first gay friend, and he opened my eyes to so many of the world’s unfairnesses, but he did it in a way that gave me hope rather than despair. He was my best friend (I am lucky to have a few), and the world is a much sadder, darker place without him.

In October I contracted pnemonia again. It was very bad, but probably not as bad as the first time last year. I know I made it worse by not resting when I found myself getting sick. But I was literally running around at a hotel handling logistics for a conference for 500 without my President (her father had just died and she was away with her family for the funeral). So the responsibilities we’d have shared all fell on me, out of necessity. But I left the hotel and went straight to the care center, where I was diagnosed. I was given the option of being admitted to the hospital or coming in daily (some days twice a day) for IV antibiotics and breathing treatments. (It didn’t help my pnemonia that I was around so many dogs during my illness, and that made it much worse). So I sucked it up and eventually got better. Still, my lung function is still only at about 85%, and I was only just recently cleared to go back to working out.

Of course there are other things that have happened, but I’m still processing some of them; others I’m not sure are worthy of discussion. I’ve learned some things though. My family rocks. My friends are the best. I have some pretty incredible colleagues. Life is sometimes unfair, sometimes rediculous, and sometimes just life. Things from the past color how you react to situations in the present, and no one can expect you to think or respond differently – its your frame of reference, not theirs afterall. Some people are total jerks, and they suck – but they’ll get theirs in the end. Often people who engage in questional behavior are either incredibly desperate, seeking attention, or just don’t care how their actions affect others; the trick is to figure out which of these drove them and tailoring your reaction so that they get the right kind of help. And finally, nothing is a secret anymore thanks to the Internet – if you know how to search, you’ll pretty much find/stumble over everything.

So there. You now have my version of the “Always Wear Sunscreen” speech.